June 23, 2010 by Jo
No, not that one. The OTHER one that my hubby and I love and watch whenever it’s on. Fired Up.
Here’s the thing. I started blogging back in…well, a long time ago. I had a GeoCities thing, an AOL page, a Xanga, a Blogspot and eventually a WordPress. My Dad was in the business of computers so I had an email address almost the minute they were introduced for use by the general population. I could type as soon as I could read and write, and being the consistent journal-keeper that I was I enjoyed putting my thoughts out there into the unknown. Finally my friends and family jumped on the Xanga train and for a while I blogged at least weekly, if not several times a day.
At one point after a particularly tumultuous time in my life I stopped blogging and really haven’t bought another ticket for the trend. I can’t really speak to why I stopped. I know I was tired of EVERY. THING. I. POSTED. being spun, even if it was something as simple as a song lyric. I had also just landed my dream job and didn’t 1) want to put it in jeopardy or 2) really have the time to write. So my weekly blogging was replaced with new friends, a blossoming new relationship, and continuing my career. I still blogged but it was extremely rare.
Eventually I wanted to pick up the keyboard again but just didn’t have the desire to share most of my feelings. There are a lot of double standards on the Internet (I mean, they’re everywhere in life but they’re a lot more obvious in the written word) and it can be very frustrating. I’d visit a blog and want to comment but would stop myself out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings or my words being read in the wrong tone and not taken how I meant them. Most of the blogs I’d found were of the mommy variety and most of the time those just pissed me off.
Therefore, I stopped actively participating in the blogging world. I post here every once in a while and usually only after someone makes the comment, “You don’t blog anymore!”.
In November and December I was home on maternity leave and had a lot more time to read blogs and discover what i liked enough to read and comment on. I learned which blogs to avoid and which to subscribe to in my Google reader. I have a couple of favorite bloggers that are exactly what I would wish to be if, in truth, I now had the time to develop my blog to a certain point. And I have several bloggers who piss me off enough that I have a Word file full of comments I’ll never leave because what’s the point? I have rarely seen a blogger backtrack and admit a commenter is right, so what’s the point? I keep my comments because they’re well-written and to be honest they amuse me but what’s the point?
So I type all that to say that I’m F.ired U.p today and would love to write about a gazillion comments about YES ALMOST ANYONE CAN DO IT and YOU FAILED BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM and HEY I KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN YOU; CAN I HELP? but every one of the thoughtful, well-meaning comments I have would be misconstrued into something else entirely. So I guess that’s the difference between me and a “blogger”. I can’t draw that line between real life and the internet. I can’t forget, in real life, the nasty things someone says online. I’d much rather sit and discuss without anger or assumptions; I love a good conversation but so much on the internet turns mean SO fast. I don’t think it’s funny to make fun of someone or stretch a story for “entertainment value”.
As badly as I’d love to be admired by tens of people I’d never meet, as badly as I’d love to spill my guts into cyberspace and have a bunch of people who’s last name I don’t know tell me I’m right, as badly as I’d like to make $24.35 a month with ads on my site I just CAN’T.
And sometimes, like today, it makes me a little Fired Up.